A New Beginning Part 2

Hard to blog when I haven't started back to work yet.  Jury duty tomorrow, lots to blog about after that I am sure.    The boyfriend moves in tonight.  I believe this will work out.  Funny how something I used to never have faith in, I all of a sudden do.  Love, so many times I thought I was in it and that it was the best thing on earth, only to find out how blind I was.  

This year is going to be full of changes.  The weight loss surgery in March or April.  The boyfriend moving in. I am looking forward to experiencing 2013.  Let the week begin!!!

A New Beginning

Happy New Year!!!  2013 has got to be better than 2012, yet I already find myself in a dilemma. The man that I love has retreated yet again into his own world and I guess I have to walk away.  Strike three means it's time to move on and this is the third time he has done this.  I hate that.  You find someone you trust, that makes you laugh, that knows your quirks and accepts them but by the time you find him he is already damaged by some other woman who mistreated him.  I promised myself I wouldn't lower my standards.  I would find a man that would treat me like his queen.  This guy isn't it.  Not in his current state of mind.  Well.... love and let go right?

It Occurred to me

It occurred to me that this is battle of the wills... You aren't going to give and neither am I.  I have found a workaround, this blog.  I can say whatever I want without actually sending anything to you.  We are both very stubborn people so this will be interesting to see who wins.  It is hard for me not to hop into the car and take you your things and just give up on us. My head keeps saying I should do that... My heart says wait it out.  If you're not here  New Year's Eve, my head will win.  I will give up, because what man in love does not spend New Year's Eve with the woman he loves?  The funny thing is I have 2 men waiting.... They hope we don't work out and that they get a chance..... Hmmmm

I Thought of You Today

When I was younger there was a guy I was madly in love with.  He traveled a lot so I began writing a diary to him everyday.  At some point in the relationship I sent them to him.   I don't know if he ever read them but it made me feel better.  Right now I need to do that again.....  I met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with but due to his past relationships he is extremely hesitant almost like he doesn't trust me.  I have taken a step back.. and though it is killing me not to talk to him I know it is what needs to be done.  Give him his space and let him work through whatever it is that he is going through.  My heart and my head are having their usual battle... the head says, if a man loves you he would do whatever it takes to be with you.  What man that is in love with a woman goes a whole month without seeing her?.....  My heart says, he is confused and scared and just needs time.  I have many friends that side with my head ....no one agrees with my heart.  This sucks.   Miss "I am going to stay single forever" finds someone she actually wants to spend the rest of her life with and he is acting like a frightened child afraid to leave his mama. Where does one go from here?

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Spring cleaning

So my mom proceeded to insult my housekeeping skills yesterday. Granted my house is messier than what hers were as a kid; but I was her housekeeper. I hated cleaning house then and I hate it now. She is right in that I should keep up with the dog hair but Zoey sheds like no dog I have ever seen. Well today I decided to tackle cleaning. An hour end my back started killing me.....I foresee this becoming a weekend thing.

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Observations from Dinner

So I skipped lunch today and decided to eat a "healthy" earlier dinner. I ended up eating with the older crowd at our local cafeteria. I was one of the first 6 in line.... isn't that sad??? Anyway I listen to them talk about who has cancer and how they had to cut the trash service to save and extra $40 every 3 months.... I start to wonder what people my age will be talking about in our 70's and 80's.... I go to leave and this man stops me... He is probably in his late 70's early 80's... he says "Please don't go"... so I stop and talk to him for a few minutes... his first question: "where's your husband?".... my response "what do I need one of those for"? I don't think he understood my response. So then he asked if i lived in town. I told him "no, just outside of it". He told me he knew the town well. He asked if I lived alone.. I answered yes. He said he did too. I told him I liked it that way, he replied "yes it has it's niceness but it would be better with a partner". I smiled and told him to have a nice day. I imagine that is a routine for him... go have dinner with other town folk hoping to meet someone and have someone to talk to. My heart went out to him, it made me think of my grandfather and what our relationship would have been like if he would have lived longer. I often wonder what it is going to be like when I get older. No kids and my dog sure can't take care of me. I pray my retirement is good and that I won't have to cut garbage out of my life just to afford to eat.

Good bye vacation

Why is it vacation goes by faster than the work week?

Update

Well Life has gotten a little more interesting since last time I blogged. I know, I am doing a horrible job of keeping this thing up. Sometimes, life gets busy...it is what it is. I have a roommate now. Sharon and John have broken up. It could be temporary, they have issues to work through, so who knows. I also made a decision to change jobs. I am going back to support. I have been complaining about their lack of knowledge for years, and it seems to me when you are presented a chance to change what is wrong, you take it. Therefore, I am taking it. It will be a slow transition, since Broward County is hooked to me until the end of time, but eventually I will get to train people on how to troubleshoot defects. I can't wait... I even have a slogan.... Solve the Mystery.... Each defect and how it is reproduced is a mystery. I am hoping my theme will inspire those to try and be a detective.
Maximus is living with me again.... Sharon brought him when she left John. Zoey enjoys the company. I could live without the barking.

When it all goes bad

So... I come back from a trip to Virginia Beach, only to find that my driver side window is broken and won't stay up.... I'm sure the snow and sleet willstay out of my car while I am riding down the road right??? I get an email from my boss asking that I put together a list of issues and such from the VB trip. The funny thing.. I wasn't a key player I was just a last minute addition. Good Grief...... The bright spot.... Zoey missed her mommy... let e sleep in til 11:30 this morning and has been a perfect angel all day.

GoodBye 2009

I'm starting out with a quote from Amanda Joy, who borrowed it from someone else... "Dear 2009 I didn't mean to do this on my blog but I think it is time to see other people... Sure we had fun, some laughs along the way,but I think it is time for us to move on. I mean, change is hard but it's not you--it's me." This year sucked for me... I saw my debt whirl out of control. I learned how bad at managing money I really am and where my brother got his habits from. What changed you asked... well I found myself with a mortgage that was $300 more than my rent, and I continued to live like I was paying rent. So I enter 2010 being approximately $32,000 in debt, with no internet or cable because for Christmas, Time warner cut me off. I can't blame them... I was behind. Now I enter 2010 with a lot of hopes and a passion to improve upon my financial status. I resolve to get more organized... I used to be. I'm not sure where that went. I resolve to lose at least 50 pounds... that's not a lot and I know I can do it. I turn 40 this year... I need to be healthy for that. I resolve to procrastinate less and to maintain a clean, organized house. I also resolve to blog more. they say this is supposed to be healthy for you and gets your feelings out there... so as 2010 quickly approaches.. I can't wait to show 2009 the door and move on to a more productive year. Later 2009... Nice meeting ya!!

War of the Word

So I have become addicted to Facebook... Like I didn't have enough addictions... Food, TV and now facebook. Zoey absolutely hates that I spend 98% of my time ignoring her. I don't know why I do it.... I work on a computer all day you would think that the last thing I would want to do is get on a computer but unfortunately it helps me to unwind. I know.... Crazy.

I'm back to being a "dear abby"... I've actually missed doing this, listening and helping others.
There is something about listening to other people's issues that
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Staycation

Well, today is the last day of my stay-cation. Monday it's back to work.. for the most part it has been relaxing, but I really have missed going to Tennessee. It has been a tradition in my life to spend my birthday week there but this year the money just didn't allow for it. I wonder how I got myself into such a financial mess. I know not saving and helping my brother, mother and step-father out for 4 years didn't help but I'm back to living paycheck to paycheck which I haven't done in years!!!! I've got to figure out a way to get myself to budget again. It worked for me back when I worked at the hospital but some how I have lost sight on how to do it when I am NOT working 2 jobs.

Tomorrow I am supposed to go to an Asian wedding...and since I'm not dating anyone this would mean I go alone.... Part of me says what the heck, just go... another part of me screams "no...don't do it..." Who knows which way I will decide.

I am trying to convince myself to start back to church.. it has been 8 years and it's time to give it another shot. So many people believe we are in the last days now and once upon a time church did make me happy...I need to get past the resentment I have toward all the phonies and realize that none of us are perfect. Maybe this week has helped me do that???

Funky Characters

So I just got back from my California trip and I was checking all the blogging I was doing with my Treo700p to this blog. All I see is a bunch of funky characters that makes absolutely no sense.. bunches of gobbly gook!!! Sucks.... who knows what I was ranting and raving about!!! Time to find a new blogging app for my phone.

so I'm in the 5th row of an airplane and the bathroom is less than 3 ft away... But it's considered First Class. Which bathroom do you use?

Men!!!

So this email has been going out a lot lately from my manager and team leads about keeping your music turned down and to wear headphones. Come to find out it was directed at ME!!!!! Can you believe that crap? I rarely have my music loud enough for me to hear it and someone does not have the balls to tell me "hey, can you turn your music down I can hear it"? Instead they go complain to the manager who sits in a totally different part of the building!!! WTF??? Just man up and say "Janet, turn that crap down".. and I will laugh and do it. When did corporate America become junior high school???? I titled this men because in cube world where I sit, it's all men but me and another woman who has been out of the office bth times this email was sent around.

Interesting....

So I've started entering the "thing to Ponder" each day on my facebook. It's a good conversation started and you are amazed as to the replies you get.

I've gotten addicted to this girl "Lea"'s blog. She has really had some trauma in her life. She seems to have lost herself a long the way. I so understand that and can empathize because I too lost myself. I told my brother once that sometimes you have to look past a person's flaws and just accept them for who they are. There is a lot we would like to change about a person. We want to make them into the person we want them to be not the person they necessarily are. Life isn't like that. I believe our experiences shape us into the person we become in life. So why are some of us so driven and others not? I believe that is how we take and use the knowledge that we have. My mother for instance has gone through a lot of crap. It has changed her and it would change anyone. I've watched it all and took the information I got based on her experiences and adapted my life around it. Some people just can't do that. They have to experience it themselves before they believe that it can truly happen. Why is that???

Saturdays

So I generally love Saturdays... I get to lounge around the house and do as little as possible. Today however, both dogs decided to get me up a 6am. That is not how I like to start out my Saturdays. I have done a little bit of cooking experiments today. I made Hungry Girl's Jalapeno Swapper and fabulous Feux Fried Zucchini... they were both delicious except I am not a huge fan of Fiber one cereal as bread crumbs. They have a sweet flavor to them that just doesn't cut it for me when coating vegetables. Tomorrow will be laundry, cleaning house and grocery store day. I always make sure I get at least one day of rest. How about you? How do you like to spend your weekends?

Introduction

Hi. I am a voluptuous woman who has a lot of opinions... what woman doesn't right? Well I am not your typical woman... I hate to shop, love being alone, am addicted to facebook, TV & reading... love to watch football and am a technological geek. They call me "gadget girl"because if there is a reasonably priced new gadget out there. I'm going to buy it. I also can not manage my money!! This is not something I proclaim proudly but for a long time if I wanted something, I bought it. Now I have a mortgage and a dog to think about and really need to start saving for those "just in case" moments. Over a period of time I would like to get my life back under wraps and start being more in control. I spiraled out of control by putting everyone before me. I have been the glue that held my mom, brother snd myself together and now that the glue has dried, it's hard to think about me. This blog is for me and about me... hang on it will be a bumpy ride.